The following was inspired by a Huff Post Weddings
article that I’ve seen shared a few times on various social media
platforms. Because I’m in a very committed relationship with my dog (and
we all know how I feel about preemptive wedding bride-zilla behavior), I’m answering these for the sake of laughs and having free time during my lunch hour.
1. Does the toilet paper go over or under the roll?
Over. It takes two seconds to check that the roll is put on in this manner, and saves the sleep-blind bathroom goer from having to search for the end during the wee (no pun) hours of the morning. I will ALWAYS correct any roll placed otherwise.
2. Cats? Dogs? Both?
Dogs. Men who prefer cats need not apply.
3. Can you eat breakfast for dinner?
Breakfast is, by name and nature, an “any meal,” in my book. Any amount of time between meals feels like fasting, and thus should be broken. Also, BACON.
4. Cold pizza: yes or no?
Yes, in the sense that I will not say no to pizza, but I’d prefer it hot out of the oven.
5. Is it acceptable to open presents as they arrive or do you have to wait for the actual birthday or holiday?
I’m a big fan of waiting for presents until whatever special day it is you’re preparing for, but I’ll be the first to call myself out for getting really excited about a gift I got someone and ruining the whole surprise.
6. Should the dirty forks and knives go in the dishwasher with the handle sticking out of the utensil tray or down in the utensil tray?
Handle up, pointy end down. I even go one step further and separate forks/knives/spoons into their own compartments because I’m slightly obsessive and it speeds along the putting-away process.
7. Is it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink to “soak” overnight, or do they need to be cleaned before bed?
Dishes need to be, at the very least, cleaned before bed—but don’t be mad when I’m making a whole lot of noise putting it all away in the morning.
8. Toothpaste: cap on or cap off?
Cap on! What, WHERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?
9. Again on the toothpaste: roll it from the bottom or just squeeze really hard?
This goes back to my being obsessive: if you don’t roll it from the bottom, I’m going to get really, really upset, and I’m going to fix the mangled mess of a tube you leave in your wake. Then again, I don’t like sharing tubes of toothpaste to begin with = problem solved.
10. Are towels a one-time use item or do you use the same towel until laundry day?
Living in New York City means having to pay for every single load of laundry I wash, so towels have become a multi-use object.
11. How about washcloths?
See above.
12. Road trip or flying?
It depends on where we’re going, and how long we’re planning on taking to get there—I refuse to go on anymore “let’s drive straight through the night from Michigan to Florida because we’re young and dumb and all jacked up on Red Bull, YEA!!!!!!” trips.
13. What’s the right thread count for sheets?
500 and up? I’m not terribly picky about sheets at this point because, frankly, I can’t afford to be terribly picky.
14. What brand of toilet paper?
I grew up using Quilted Northern, but will be happy with anything that isn’t Charmin (those bears are LIARS).
15. Mayo or Miracle Whip?
Again, not terribly picky about this.
16. Pepsi or Coke?
Either, but you’ll find me drinking water more often than either of those beverages. Sidebar: 16 b. it’s called POP, dammit!
17. Can you eat the holiday candy out in the display bowl or must it be left there for display?
Eat ALL the candies.
18. What is YOUR definition of camping?
Hardcore camping involves tents and hand-dug restrooms. I prefer a lighter version of camping in which I have access to some sort of running water.
19. Turn the thermostat down when you go out or leave it alone?
Turn it down. (And while you’re at it, make sure all the lights are off, too.)
20. At what point is a garbage bag too full to stuff more trash in it?
Thou shall not allow the garbage bag to overflow.
21. How many times is it acceptable to hit the snooze button?
Anywhere from two to five times.
22. Thrift store shopping: great deals or gross?
Is it Halloween or Ugly Sweater season?
23. How far in advance is it OK to plan a vacation?
It depends on where you’re going… but probably no more than six months in advance.
24. Restaurant reservations: necessary or too restrictive?
And again, it depends on where you’re going. Necessary for large groups in a big city, but sometimes couples can get away with it on even the busiest of nights.
25. Roller coasters: love ’em or hate ’em?
CEDAR POINT IS THE ONLY DESTINATION FOR ROLLER COASTER RIDING IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
If you even think about Six Flags, we’re done here.
26. More chocolate chips, less cookie or more cookie, less chips?
More cookie, fewer chips.
27. How much orange juice must be left in the container for it to be returned to the fridge?
One glass.
28. Chip clips or just roll the bag up?
Chip clips! I only own two, but can make them work for up to six bags of chips at any given time.
29. Call the doctor or just take some medicine at home?
No doctor, no medicine… unless I’m dying. Then I’ll get some Mucinex.
30. Where is the prime location for the TV remote to stay?
Depending on the room: bedside table/coffee table
31. Is it OK to have a TV in the bedroom?
Duh, how else am I supposed to watch Netflix in bed? (iPads and laptops are a pain when you’re not sitting up, so no)
32. Should folded clothes be put away, or is it OK to just pull as needed from the basket of clean laundry?
I’d rather put them away, but sometimes life gets in the way and you have to pull from the basket.
33. Do you need to write a grocery list or just wait until you’re walking around the store to figure out what you need?
I make lists for everything (thanks, Clear app!)
34. Making the bed: must-do or waste of time because you’re just going to get back in it?
I make the bed every. single. morning.
35. Is it OK to shave/clip toenails in the living room?
Ew. A thousand times, EW.
And the moral of the story is: Danielle is one horribly obsessive, control-freak who likes to stay in and knit while watching old episodes of Grey’s on a Friday night (#foreveralone). Wait, what?
Anyway, based on the premise that these are 35 things that you and a significant other MUST agree on before getting married… would YOU marry me?
Endnote: The “500” words count is based on the count after the 380-something words in the questions have been removed, and is more of a 500+.
1. Does the toilet paper go over or under the roll?
Over. It takes two seconds to check that the roll is put on in this manner, and saves the sleep-blind bathroom goer from having to search for the end during the wee (no pun) hours of the morning. I will ALWAYS correct any roll placed otherwise.
2. Cats? Dogs? Both?
Dogs. Men who prefer cats need not apply.
3. Can you eat breakfast for dinner?
Breakfast is, by name and nature, an “any meal,” in my book. Any amount of time between meals feels like fasting, and thus should be broken. Also, BACON.
4. Cold pizza: yes or no?
Yes, in the sense that I will not say no to pizza, but I’d prefer it hot out of the oven.
5. Is it acceptable to open presents as they arrive or do you have to wait for the actual birthday or holiday?
I’m a big fan of waiting for presents until whatever special day it is you’re preparing for, but I’ll be the first to call myself out for getting really excited about a gift I got someone and ruining the whole surprise.
6. Should the dirty forks and knives go in the dishwasher with the handle sticking out of the utensil tray or down in the utensil tray?
Handle up, pointy end down. I even go one step further and separate forks/knives/spoons into their own compartments because I’m slightly obsessive and it speeds along the putting-away process.
7. Is it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink to “soak” overnight, or do they need to be cleaned before bed?
Dishes need to be, at the very least, cleaned before bed—but don’t be mad when I’m making a whole lot of noise putting it all away in the morning.
8. Toothpaste: cap on or cap off?
Cap on! What, WHERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?
9. Again on the toothpaste: roll it from the bottom or just squeeze really hard?
This goes back to my being obsessive: if you don’t roll it from the bottom, I’m going to get really, really upset, and I’m going to fix the mangled mess of a tube you leave in your wake. Then again, I don’t like sharing tubes of toothpaste to begin with = problem solved.
10. Are towels a one-time use item or do you use the same towel until laundry day?
Living in New York City means having to pay for every single load of laundry I wash, so towels have become a multi-use object.
11. How about washcloths?
See above.
12. Road trip or flying?
It depends on where we’re going, and how long we’re planning on taking to get there—I refuse to go on anymore “let’s drive straight through the night from Michigan to Florida because we’re young and dumb and all jacked up on Red Bull, YEA!!!!!!” trips.
13. What’s the right thread count for sheets?
500 and up? I’m not terribly picky about sheets at this point because, frankly, I can’t afford to be terribly picky.
14. What brand of toilet paper?
I grew up using Quilted Northern, but will be happy with anything that isn’t Charmin (those bears are LIARS).
15. Mayo or Miracle Whip?
Again, not terribly picky about this.
16. Pepsi or Coke?
Either, but you’ll find me drinking water more often than either of those beverages. Sidebar: 16 b. it’s called POP, dammit!
17. Can you eat the holiday candy out in the display bowl or must it be left there for display?
Eat ALL the candies.
18. What is YOUR definition of camping?
Hardcore camping involves tents and hand-dug restrooms. I prefer a lighter version of camping in which I have access to some sort of running water.
19. Turn the thermostat down when you go out or leave it alone?
Turn it down. (And while you’re at it, make sure all the lights are off, too.)
20. At what point is a garbage bag too full to stuff more trash in it?
Thou shall not allow the garbage bag to overflow.
21. How many times is it acceptable to hit the snooze button?
Anywhere from two to five times.
22. Thrift store shopping: great deals or gross?
Is it Halloween or Ugly Sweater season?
23. How far in advance is it OK to plan a vacation?
It depends on where you’re going… but probably no more than six months in advance.
24. Restaurant reservations: necessary or too restrictive?
And again, it depends on where you’re going. Necessary for large groups in a big city, but sometimes couples can get away with it on even the busiest of nights.
25. Roller coasters: love ’em or hate ’em?
CEDAR POINT IS THE ONLY DESTINATION FOR ROLLER COASTER RIDING IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
If you even think about Six Flags, we’re done here.
26. More chocolate chips, less cookie or more cookie, less chips?
More cookie, fewer chips.
27. How much orange juice must be left in the container for it to be returned to the fridge?
One glass.
28. Chip clips or just roll the bag up?
Chip clips! I only own two, but can make them work for up to six bags of chips at any given time.
29. Call the doctor or just take some medicine at home?
No doctor, no medicine… unless I’m dying. Then I’ll get some Mucinex.
30. Where is the prime location for the TV remote to stay?
Depending on the room: bedside table/coffee table
31. Is it OK to have a TV in the bedroom?
Duh, how else am I supposed to watch Netflix in bed? (iPads and laptops are a pain when you’re not sitting up, so no)
32. Should folded clothes be put away, or is it OK to just pull as needed from the basket of clean laundry?
I’d rather put them away, but sometimes life gets in the way and you have to pull from the basket.
33. Do you need to write a grocery list or just wait until you’re walking around the store to figure out what you need?
I make lists for everything (thanks, Clear app!)
34. Making the bed: must-do or waste of time because you’re just going to get back in it?
I make the bed every. single. morning.
35. Is it OK to shave/clip toenails in the living room?
Ew. A thousand times, EW.
And the moral of the story is: Danielle is one horribly obsessive, control-freak who likes to stay in and knit while watching old episodes of Grey’s on a Friday night (#foreveralone). Wait, what?
Anyway, based on the premise that these are 35 things that you and a significant other MUST agree on before getting married… would YOU marry me?
Endnote: The “500” words count is based on the count after the 380-something words in the questions have been removed, and is more of a 500+.
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